Sep 21, 2009

Flying Lights Attack Cameraman

Last night, in a tragic event that unfolded at a local park in Kaohsiung, cameraman William Roubenberg was brutally attacked whilst filming the sleeping habits of geese. What was it that attacked him? Police forces announced that their main suspect was a Taiwan Macaque, that was until Roubenberg awoke from his coma and stated the following:

"I remember that I was filming a family of geese as they were sleeping when I noticed some bright lights that seemed to be coming closer. They were enchanting at first, and had a powerful presence. However, the atmosphere around me turned into a feeling of pure evil, and the geese knew it too. Before I knew what was happening a great pain had come over me and all I could see was bright light."

Before finishing his story Robenberg fell back into his coma induced from his arduous wounds. After of which the Head of A.P.A (Almost-Paranormal-Attack), Cohen Zhang. retracted his departments previous statement, that suspected monkeys, and announced that "the attack on William Roubenberg was a near-paranormal phenomena" that needs to be investigated further.

Professor Ronan Lee, of National Taiwan Prosper University, believes the attack to be a form of justification saying "the orbs of light may believe that what Roubenberg was doing, filming geese sleeping, is morally wrong. These orbs have specific colors depending on their temperament, we believe that warmer colors, such as red and orange, show a calm orb, whilst stronger colors, such as green, show a more violent orb." If you click on the photo above, you can clearly see orange orbs and a green orb outlined.

However, some, like Equality Activist Rachel Lin, adhere to a more serious topic as a reason for the attack, discrimination. "These dishonorable globoids are beginning to believe they are of higher stature than humans, and thus believe they can treat us any way they want. This is a cause for concern and if nothing is done about it soon, we will be doomed."

We tried to contact the Orb Athorities for comments but were left with only this message. "If you are calling to find a new source of energy to keep your light lit, press one. If you are calling to apply for a visa to Earth, press two. If you are a human calling for information about the recent attack, press doom. To repeat this menu, press star."

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