Female Phenomena

In an astounding event that befell the world earlier today, billions of women came to a complete halt. Our sources believe that there is a 65.4 percent chance this marvel is religion related. Females around the globe dropped their handbags and makeup to adopt two Buddhist Mudras:

• The raised hand is known as Abhaya (Fear Not) and is a gesture of fearlessness and protection.
• The lower hand, named Varada (Welcome), represents the granting of wishes to those who welcome the teachings of Buddha.

The entire female gender maintained this position for exactly 8 minutes. According to researcher Jerry Mort, the number 8 "is an important figure in Buddhism as the Dharmacakra, a Buddhist symbol that represents the Noble Eightfold Path, has 8 spokes. The Noble Eightfold Path is also embodied by Eight Great Bodhisattvas whilst Buddha's birthday was on the 8th day of the 4th month of the Chinese Calendar."

We asked Mort if he thinks there is a connection between the phenomena and Buddhism. "There is a small chance that this peculiarity is related to Buddhism; however, it is my belief that this is all a coincidence and that funds that support researching of this event are going to waste.

More on this story will be released as more information is released.

*Photo taken by me

Flying Lights Attack Cameraman

Last night, in a tragic event that unfolded at a local park in Kaohsiung, cameraman William Roubenberg was brutally attacked whilst filming the sleeping habits of geese. What was it that attacked him? Police forces announced that their main suspect was a Taiwan Macaque, that was until Roubenberg awoke from his coma and stated the following:

"I remember that I was filming a family of geese as they were sleeping when I noticed some bright lights that seemed to be coming closer. They were enchanting at first, and had a powerful presence. However, the atmosphere around me turned into a feeling of pure evil, and the geese knew it too. Before I knew what was happening a great pain had come over me and all I could see was bright light."


Before finishing his story Robenberg fell back into his coma induced from his arduous wounds. After of which the Head of A.P.A (Almost-Paranormal-Attack), Cohen Zhang. retracted his departments previous statement, that suspected monkeys, and announced that "the attack on William Roubenberg was a near-paranormal phenomena" that needs to be investigated further.

Professor Ronan Lee, of National Taiwan Prosper University, believes the attack to be a form of justification saying "the orbs of light may believe that what Roubenberg was doing, filming geese sleeping, is morally wrong. These orbs have specific colors depending on their temperament, we believe that warmer colors, such as red and orange, show a calm orb, whilst stronger colors, such as green, show a more violent orb." If you click on the photo above, you can clearly see orange orbs and a green orb outlined.

However, some, like Equality Activist Rachel Lin, adhere to a more serious topic as a reason for the attack, discrimination. "These dishonorable globoids are beginning to believe they are of higher stature than humans, and thus believe they can treat us any way they want. This is a cause for concern and if nothing is done about it soon, we will be doomed."

We tried to contact the Orb Athorities for comments but were left with only this message. "If you are calling to find a new source of energy to keep your light lit, press one. If you are calling to apply for a visa to Earth, press two. If you are a human calling for information about the recent attack, press doom. To repeat this menu, press star."

Fake Phones, New Born Baby Shopping and a Flat Tire

So much stuff has happened in the past 24 hours.

Fake Phones

You hear a lot about fake designer bags or fake games, but other than the I-Phone, I've never heard much about fake mobile phones. Recently, a family member of mine brought home what I thought to be two Nokia phones and 2 HTC phones. I was wrong. I laughed hard when I saw that Nokia was really "NCKIA" and "HTC" turned into "THC".
I didnt realize just how fun these cheap phones could be though.
For example, they both have the ability to pick up local TV stations that you can watch on your phone, which is something my real Nokia N93 can't do. The touch screen functions that both types of phones have is useful when I have to type in Chinese, because when I use the Taiwan-Chinese "Alphabet" I text very slow.

Both phones also accept 2 sim cards at once which is very helpful considering I have two phones, but I'm going to stick with one in my original phone.

All-In-All, these phones are great to have, they really are fun to mess around with.

Shopping For a Newborn

Today I received a text from one of my Japanese friends. She as finally given birth! The baby weighs in at 2.85kg, which is a bit small. So what do I do? I instantly go and look for something to give to the baby as a present. I am officially "Uncle Ben", though I am actually already an uncle, and no I am not the "Uncle Ben" who does that packaged rice.

I, being male and having no affluence to shopping for babies, was not really sure what to buy. What I did end up looking at was Kaloo, which is a designer brand for baby toys/bibs/blankets and even baby PERFUME! Why babies need perfume is beyond me, though some suggest the scents used help the baby relax.

I really wanted to buy a set which included a Bib, a Blanket and a Toy, but man was that price tag high.

In the end I settled for a pretty large (compared to the baby) soft stuffed toy dog. I thinks its cute, so the baby better think it is.

Flat Tire

So while I was shopping for the baby's present, my scooter was in the underground parking lot with its back wheel dying. I'm all done with my shopping and I hop on the scooter to head home when whats this? My back wheel is sliding all over the place when I try to turn... I ended up having to travel at 10km/h all the way to the nearest repair shop. Thank god they were still open at 10pm.

The mechanic tests the wheel I end up having a hole in the tire. Great, after only around 4-5 months of use as well. I figure tomorrow I'll get to the place where I bought the scooter and demand for a new tire! Hopefully the warranty covers that, I'm not sure because I can't read Chinese well enough to read the warranty.

The New Threat In Town

Thinking of planning a day out? Read First!

Picnicking(1), one of the most relaxing and possibly romantic outdoor activities that millions of men, women and children across the globe enjoy. Picnicking and hiking(2), another extraneous(3) activity, have both been jeopardized by a threat other than mosquitoes(4), the Taiwan Macaques(5). In 2001 the monkeys were reported to be more than 250,000 in number. Assuming the females give birth every 1 or 2 years, the populous has more than likely exploded. Supposedly a rare species, they have certainly started to show their faces a lot.

Imagine this:

You plan a trip with your family to hike to a picnic area with a gorgeous view. Reaching the top you see a single monkey and thus do not feel threatened, therefore proceeding with the outing. Your kids are playing with a ball only a few feet away and you call them in for a sandwich. They journey, with the sandwich, to a spot in the shade and commence eating. All is well.

"Ahhhhhh!" The scream fades into a gurgle. Turning your head, a sight that will remain ingrained into your mind forever. A group of macaques has attacked your child(ren). One slashes at the face while another bites at an ankle, but the worst is yet to come. The monkeys steal that sandwich you had spent two hours making. The ham and cheese sandwich, lightly toasted with a leaf of lettuce cut into a heart, is ripped from your child(ren)'s bleeding hands and torn apart.

Something I doubt you would enjoy seeing happen, that is unless you are some sadistic creep. But what can we do to stop this menace? Unfortunately, nothing. These monkeys are protected by Taiwanese laws. If any harm falls upon the monkeys, the person(s) who caused the harm will be fined anywhere from $200,000NT ($6,000US) to $1,000,000NT ($30,000US) as well as six months to five years imprisonment.

So, if you are planning a day out with your family and/or loved one, you may want to 'think again'(6).

Extra Information

1. The act of having a picnic.
2. The act of going for a hike.
3. Synonym for 'Outside'.
4. A flying insect that is sort of like a vampire without fangs and carries disease.
5. A monkey. Threatens outdoor activity in Taiwan that ranges from 500 to 1000ft.
6. National Geographic Channel's Slogan.

Note

This post may be a bit exaggerated.
The photo of the macaque is one I took, so no copying, at least not until I say you can.

Source (peopledaily.com.cn)