Flying Lights Attack Cameraman

Last night, in a tragic event that unfolded at a local park in Kaohsiung, cameraman William Roubenberg was brutally attacked whilst filming the sleeping habits of geese. What was it that attacked him? Police forces announced that their main suspect was a Taiwan Macaque, that was until Roubenberg awoke from his coma and stated the following:

"I remember that I was filming a family of geese as they were sleeping when I noticed some bright lights that seemed to be coming closer. They were enchanting at first, and had a powerful presence. However, the atmosphere around me turned into a feeling of pure evil, and the geese knew it too. Before I knew what was happening a great pain had come over me and all I could see was bright light."


Before finishing his story Robenberg fell back into his coma induced from his arduous wounds. After of which the Head of A.P.A (Almost-Paranormal-Attack), Cohen Zhang. retracted his departments previous statement, that suspected monkeys, and announced that "the attack on William Roubenberg was a near-paranormal phenomena" that needs to be investigated further.

Professor Ronan Lee, of National Taiwan Prosper University, believes the attack to be a form of justification saying "the orbs of light may believe that what Roubenberg was doing, filming geese sleeping, is morally wrong. These orbs have specific colors depending on their temperament, we believe that warmer colors, such as red and orange, show a calm orb, whilst stronger colors, such as green, show a more violent orb." If you click on the photo above, you can clearly see orange orbs and a green orb outlined.

However, some, like Equality Activist Rachel Lin, adhere to a more serious topic as a reason for the attack, discrimination. "These dishonorable globoids are beginning to believe they are of higher stature than humans, and thus believe they can treat us any way they want. This is a cause for concern and if nothing is done about it soon, we will be doomed."

We tried to contact the Orb Athorities for comments but were left with only this message. "If you are calling to find a new source of energy to keep your light lit, press one. If you are calling to apply for a visa to Earth, press two. If you are a human calling for information about the recent attack, press doom. To repeat this menu, press star."

The New Threat In Town

Thinking of planning a day out? Read First!

Picnicking(1), one of the most relaxing and possibly romantic outdoor activities that millions of men, women and children across the globe enjoy. Picnicking and hiking(2), another extraneous(3) activity, have both been jeopardized by a threat other than mosquitoes(4), the Taiwan Macaques(5). In 2001 the monkeys were reported to be more than 250,000 in number. Assuming the females give birth every 1 or 2 years, the populous has more than likely exploded. Supposedly a rare species, they have certainly started to show their faces a lot.

Imagine this:

You plan a trip with your family to hike to a picnic area with a gorgeous view. Reaching the top you see a single monkey and thus do not feel threatened, therefore proceeding with the outing. Your kids are playing with a ball only a few feet away and you call them in for a sandwich. They journey, with the sandwich, to a spot in the shade and commence eating. All is well.

"Ahhhhhh!" The scream fades into a gurgle. Turning your head, a sight that will remain ingrained into your mind forever. A group of macaques has attacked your child(ren). One slashes at the face while another bites at an ankle, but the worst is yet to come. The monkeys steal that sandwich you had spent two hours making. The ham and cheese sandwich, lightly toasted with a leaf of lettuce cut into a heart, is ripped from your child(ren)'s bleeding hands and torn apart.

Something I doubt you would enjoy seeing happen, that is unless you are some sadistic creep. But what can we do to stop this menace? Unfortunately, nothing. These monkeys are protected by Taiwanese laws. If any harm falls upon the monkeys, the person(s) who caused the harm will be fined anywhere from $200,000NT ($6,000US) to $1,000,000NT ($30,000US) as well as six months to five years imprisonment.

So, if you are planning a day out with your family and/or loved one, you may want to 'think again'(6).

Extra Information

1. The act of having a picnic.
2. The act of going for a hike.
3. Synonym for 'Outside'.
4. A flying insect that is sort of like a vampire without fangs and carries disease.
5. A monkey. Threatens outdoor activity in Taiwan that ranges from 500 to 1000ft.
6. National Geographic Channel's Slogan.

Note

This post may be a bit exaggerated.
The photo of the macaque is one I took, so no copying, at least not until I say you can.

Source (peopledaily.com.cn)